Top Ten Climbing Videos

10. Tree gives man a nutshot.

9: Why ladders continue to be useless in video games.

8: Even in the animal kingdom, climbing is tough when you’re drunk.

7: This can only end well.

6: It’s nice to Spiderman have fun with his kids.

5: Climbing with your face is tough.

4: This is why we train.

3: Um, what?

2: This is why grandma can’t stay in a home.

1: The most adorable climb ever.

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Elmo Confinement

Now that Barack Obama has signed the NDAA and the right to a trial is a thing of the past, you no doubt wonder when you’ll be indefinitely detained. Hahahaha! That’s the beauty of it. No one knows when they’ll be indefinitely detained by the military, only that it might happen. But if you are indefinitely detained, here are five people you’ll might share a cell with.

1: Michael Moore: Oh, sure there’s a Democrat in the White House…now. But back in the Bush years, filmmaker Moore was the muckiest raker of them all. It’s just a matter of time before he makes a movie that will piss off the future President Romney, Gingrinch or Bush daughter.

2: Ted Nugent: It’s inevitable that a guy with that many weapons and his own “compound” will come under government scrutiny eventually. And according to the NDAA, hording more than two weeks of food makes you suspect. The “Nuge” has food running around all over the woods on his property.

3: Ron Paul: Let’s face, the GOP wants to lock this guy up now. If he keeps ruining the endless war, exposing the Military-Industrial Complex and reminding the Republicans that most them never fought in a war, you’re going to hear a lot about ending the Fed from your future cellmate.

4: Kim Kardashian: Foreign sounding name, exotic looks, plus TSA agents frisking her at every possible check point. No way this woman stays out of lock up very long. Lucky you.

5: Barack Obama: With all the secrecy surrounding people being locked up, we have to make sure the one guy that understands the process doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. And hey, he won’t be president forever.

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How to Protest at Occupy Wall Street

Step 1: Spend all your money

Step 2: Realize you probably shouldn’t have spent all your money. Become angry at banks.

Step 3: Get evicted, move to local park.

Step 4: Join hippies in outrage. Stop showering.

Step 5: Get high. Realize everyone in a suit is a douchebag.

Step 6: Get beaten by cops. Harden resolve to protest Wall Street.

Step 7: Get a half-ass economic lesson from a guy with a bullhorn.

Step 8: Get into a shouting match with a cop who actually knows less about economics than you.

Step 9: Eat for free. Realize the OWS protesters are your brothers.

Step 10: Return to tent to realize everything you own has been stolen by the homeless.

Step 11: Make angry protest sign. Get beaten by cops again.

Step 12: Get discouraged, move back with parents.

Step 13: Protest on weekends. Play Xbox all week and get high.

Step 14: Decide to support protesters via Internet. Gain 40 pounds.

Step 15: Watch protesters get beat up on live streaming video.

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Top Ten House Fails

10: The Escape: Remember, put your front door on the ground floor.

9: Parkour Fail: If you going to do this, make sure it’s at your friend’s house.

8: Go ahead, just park anywhere.

7: This can only end well.

6: Just leave that anywhere.

5: Maybe you should’ve tested this on a much lower house.

4: If you build your house out of this, don’t invite over any million pound relatives.

3: Roof Climbing: Not for fatties.

2: Fail? That roof is clean.

1: Impressing the ladies with the thickness of your skull.

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Top Ten Worst Drivers

I know, I know. You’re going to make a lot of sexist cracks about women drivers. That’s so unfair. Most men don’t even let their wives drive, so back off! Here now are ten reasons why should just stay home and be glad your house isn’t close to the highway.

10: This accident could’ve left him a quadriplegic!

9: An accident that will make you cry.

8: Dance, motorcycles, dance!

7: That’s okay, I’ll just stand here and try to pull my legs out of the vending machine. You go on inside.

6: This is either a shoddy bike or an awesome wall.

5: Dirt biking is all about the dirt.

4: Fly biker, be free!

3: The cause of most accidents. Especially during the summer.

2: Tokyo Drift y’all!

1: Think he got a ticket? I hope those cops were well enough to beat him.

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10: You know, if you just dive, you still get just as wet.

9: This voids the warranty of a snowmobile.

8: India’s highway system needs some work.

7: This is that cut scene from the second Indiana Jones movie. Well, I like it better than the raft.

6: Remember to update your GPS maps.

5: Dive! Dive!

4: From Mad TV, “Yes I did.”

3: Hot chick jumps off cliff. No! She’s too hot to die!

2: The way cliff falls should be. I’m all right folks!

1: What’s weirder? What happens to the car or the name of the candy bar?

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Top Ten Fat Accidents

10: Must be all that chicken grease on his hands.

9: This doesn’t look like an accident, until you realize there were probably cookies at the bottom of the stairs.

8: American cats are no different.

7: Face meet ramp.

6: What are they fighting over? Cake?

5: Rugby players apparently ignore overweight fans.

4: Another “amazing” Parkour video.

3: He’s screaming because he dropped his cupcake.

2: Was there a sandwich on the other side?

1: Don’t throw away America’s #1 resource.

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Car Pranks

10: Someone’s been in an accident before.

9: Classic! Now pick those up so we can return them to the Pro Shop.

8: Pranks are strange in Africa.

7: It’s best to be really high when you pull a prank.

6: It’s sealed for freshness.

5: That’s some real junk in the trunk.

4: You can pull this one with just a tow truck, crane and a few thousand dollars.

3: But the hot dogs are real, right?

2: Prank fail.

1: The best car prank you’ll see all week.

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