The Windows 8 Breakdown
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2011

The Windows 8 Breakdown

The highly anticipated release of Windows 8 is sparking chatter in the computer world. Of course, when we say “chatter” we don’t actually mean people talking to each other face to face. That just wouldn’t be computer nerdly. Instead, our team of imaginologist have predicted what the Windows 8 system will mean when your computer breaks down this time.

Shame App automatically makes you feel bad about all the porn on your hard drive 20%
Microsoft Word automatically replaces the words “Steve Jobs” with “bald pussy” 2%
Microsoft Excel comes with built in Solitaire App so your boss can’t remove it 12%
“Print Scr” key replaced by “Fucking Boot Up Already!” key 10%
Blue Screen of Death now actually opening screen to save time 8%

Bill Gates now legally allowed to punch you in the nads if you call tech support 10%
Facebook/Windows App now makes stripping you of privacy quick and easy 14%
Comes with over a terabyte of funny cat pictures 6%
Clippy replaced by icon of Tom Seizemore telling you to STFU 1%
Webcam corrects so you look like that fake picture on your dating profile 17%

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