Tony D’s Stupid News Update

Tony D’s Stupid News Update
Written by Tony DiGerolamo
Copyright 2010

Duh-duh-duh-duuuh-dummmmm! Duh-duh-duh-duuuh-dummmmm! It’s the Stupid News! With the stupidest news team on the planet! And now, your stupid anchor, Tony D! This is a Stupid News Update!

Stupid News

Dateline Otago, New Zealand! A man came to a police station to complain that his car was gone, but was so drunk he couldn’t remember any details. It was later discovered at his house where he drove home and he was arrested! Nice going Huggy Bear, way to rat yourself out! Maybe next time just show up and ask the cops to find your illegal drugs and hookers.

Dateline Ontario, Canada!
We thought the Canucks lived in this century, but apparently some do not. When a group of kids at a local school got sick, the parents mysteriously blamed Wi-Fi. No doubt they also blamed digital cameras for stealing their souls. O, Canada! WiFi can’t make you sick, it can only deliver sick amounts of porn into your laptop.

Dateline Tennessee!
If you’re going to roast yourself alive, don’t do what this guy did. Apparently, he filled seven containers of gas in his car, but then climbed into a stranger’s chimney where he got stuck. Maybe he’s the retarded arsonist version of Santa. Good luck explaining that to your car insurance company.

Dateline Utah!
A Utah man was arrested for groping a nurse. This, in of itself, isn’t so unusual, except for that fact that she was wheelchairing his pregnant wife to give birth at the time. This is going to make visits to the maternity ward especially awkward.

Dateline South Florida!
This one has to be heard to be believed. You’re drunk, you need more booze and you need a ride. Naturally, who do you call?